Facts

Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home. 

Name the 3 fastest means of communication?
Telephone, Television and Tell-a-woman! 

Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. 

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. 
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either. 
The trouble with being a good sport is, you have to loose in order to prove it. 
An optimist: A man who gets married when he's seventy-five and then looks for a house near a school. 

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. 

Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 

Divorce : Future tense of marriage

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". 

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. 

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power .. 

Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage. 

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. 

Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. 

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. 

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. 

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. 

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. 

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. 

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. 

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." 

Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY. 

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 

Father : A banker provided by nature. 

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. 

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. 

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.